You’ve heard the old bedtime story that goes something like this… T’was a dark and stormy night and the wind was blowing a gale. The captain said to his shipmate: ‘”Shipmate, tell me a tale”. And this was the tale he told him. “T’was a dark and stormy night…” ….
I have an embarrassing confession to make.
Back in the 1990s, as a direct marketing copywriter, I dabbled in, er, more than a handful of those American-style long sales letters that promise to make the reader rich.
You know, the kind of letter that demonstrates how you can make $Squillions while sunning yourself on a beach in Florida – because your take-out-of-the-box business is quietly ticking away in the background on autopilot.
You return from vacation to discover – Wow! – your bank account is bursting at the seams with cash from orders you’ve received whilst you’ve away. All of which have been fulfilled electronically. So there’s nothing for you to do but sit there and enjoy the cash.
You just sit back and get rich, rich, RICH!!!!
In fact I became quite a dab hand at writing these (what I refer to as) American-style long sales letters. And they were successful. In fact, during the first half of the 1990s, I made quite a name for myself as a long sales letter copywriter, working for and with some of the leading gurus in this particular niche.
Then one day I decided that enough was enough.
And I haven’t written a long sales letter since.
Indeed, these days, the phrase ‘internet marketing’ makes me come out in a hot sweat and run for cover.
Basically because, as a copywriter, I began to feel uncomfortable with the concept of being paid to write sales letters for people making money out of flogging motivational CDs to people about how to make money from flogging motivational CDs to people about how to make money from flogging motivational CDs to people about how to make money from flogging motivational CDs to people…
The ‘dark and stormy night’ concept of making a living, if you like.
In my personal opinion, of course. Others may disagree.
Today I came across this wonderful send-up of the long American-style sales letter which I simply had to share with you.